Is it weird for me, as a father of 2 sons, to want my sons to experience pain, suffering, a broken heart, hard times, (input your own word here? I was sitting down at the dinner table tonight, alone because I wasn't hungry when the rest of the family ate, and I was watching my 5-year old playing with his cars on the couch. Over there was my wife working diligently on the computer to find a good deal on a pair of shoes for our son's awkward feet. And I just started thinking, I wish I could take my son's foot pains away so that he could walk around school all day long and never have to wake up in the middle of the night again crying in pain.
I was also thinking about how I don't stop my almost 1-year old from climbing on the toys only to hope that when he falls, he will experience the pain of falling (of course watching with a close eye so he doesn't crack his head open on the furniture). I want him to know the pain of falling so he can learn to think before he does it the 10th time (kids hardly ever learn the first time). Then I pulled out the crystal ball I have stashed in the pantry for times when I want to know what their lives will end up like, and I started to imagine them as teenagers: girls, schoolwork, friends, peer pressure, (input your own word here too). And then I realized, I will never, ever be their savior, nor will I ever try.
Sometimes I feel as though I am being callous towards my kids when I want them to experience pain, but deep within my heart, I don't ever want them to feel the pains I had to endure in my life, however miniscule or different from mine they may be. What I want them to learn is how to cope, how to deal with the realities of life without breaking down. That's why we try to teach them, through the repeated tantrums and wailings on the floor, that life is not getting what you want all the time. They need to experience the pain of losing something or not gaining something they want, so they can cope in the future when the inevitable will happen.
Christ is the same way with us. He never wants us to experience pain, especially the pain He watched as His own son was tortured, dragged through the streets, beaten, stabbed with spikes and a spear, and then ultimately left to die on a couple beams of wood: FOR US. I imagine in my finite mind that God, as He watched these things happen to Jesus that day, turned away and wept. Yet, he remained strong, and steadfast in support of His own son experiencing that pain knowing in the long run, the result would be the salvation of those who would accept and follow Him.
I don't want to shield my children from pain and suffering. I don't want to save them from every bad decision they make. I don't want to keep them from making bad, and good, decisions. I don't want to be in the way of the life lesson they will learn from the pain they experience. I WANT to help them endure it, recover from it, and grow from it. I don't want to stop it from happening.
Disclaimer: there are going to be times, for their safety, and possibly sanity, that intervention may be required, don't get me wrong here.
Lord keep me strong,
Freak
Friday, May 28, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
A Good Defense
".....'We don't know who opened his eyes. Ask him. He is old enough to speak for himself.' His parents said this because they were afraid of the elders, who had already decided that anyone who said Jesus was the Christ would be avoided.........." John 9:21-22
A good defense is not always a good offense. Jesus has just healed the blind man with spit and dirt. The man is brought before the Pharisees and grilled over what happened. They still won't believe the him, so they take formerly blind man to his parents to verify that he was blind from birth. But something funny happens. They verify his blindness yet deny the One who healed him, knowing full well Jesus Chist had healed their son.
I can still remember times in the military when it was prudent for me to remain silent about my faith so as not to be "avoided" by the "elders." It was a regulation not to be open about your faith. I have become much more vocal in work environments about my faith, still with the fear of being "avoided." Frankly, I don't care if I don't get invited to happy hour after work. Acceptance, or better yet, lack there of, can be paralyzing to someone of my people-pleasing nature. But I have turned a corner in my life. People to please no longer fully fuel who I am. (Notice I said fully-it's a hard habit to break). They can't, unless I want to live my life for them and not for a God who gave His only son on a cross for my forgiveness.
Do I still hesitate to talk about my faith sometimes? Absolutely, out of fear, which breeds and fuels a lack of that same faith I claim to have. It's hard to be open. But, it will be a lot harder to close my soul when Christ bears it on the day I stand before Him.
What will we do when the guys in the office are talking about what they would like to do with the cute girl in cubicle 2, and then turn and ask us our opinion? What will we do when the girls at the gym are bashing our faith because of the "money hungry" pastor with his limo and multi-million dollar house? What will we do when the boss says that you cannot, under any circumstance, talk about your faith in the workplace, yet makes off-handed remarks about churches in staff meetings?
What will we do? Don't go on the defense. Jesus didn't. Why should we?
Freak
A good defense is not always a good offense. Jesus has just healed the blind man with spit and dirt. The man is brought before the Pharisees and grilled over what happened. They still won't believe the him, so they take formerly blind man to his parents to verify that he was blind from birth. But something funny happens. They verify his blindness yet deny the One who healed him, knowing full well Jesus Chist had healed their son.
I can still remember times in the military when it was prudent for me to remain silent about my faith so as not to be "avoided" by the "elders." It was a regulation not to be open about your faith. I have become much more vocal in work environments about my faith, still with the fear of being "avoided." Frankly, I don't care if I don't get invited to happy hour after work. Acceptance, or better yet, lack there of, can be paralyzing to someone of my people-pleasing nature. But I have turned a corner in my life. People to please no longer fully fuel who I am. (Notice I said fully-it's a hard habit to break). They can't, unless I want to live my life for them and not for a God who gave His only son on a cross for my forgiveness.
Do I still hesitate to talk about my faith sometimes? Absolutely, out of fear, which breeds and fuels a lack of that same faith I claim to have. It's hard to be open. But, it will be a lot harder to close my soul when Christ bears it on the day I stand before Him.
What will we do when the guys in the office are talking about what they would like to do with the cute girl in cubicle 2, and then turn and ask us our opinion? What will we do when the girls at the gym are bashing our faith because of the "money hungry" pastor with his limo and multi-million dollar house? What will we do when the boss says that you cannot, under any circumstance, talk about your faith in the workplace, yet makes off-handed remarks about churches in staff meetings?
What will we do? Don't go on the defense. Jesus didn't. Why should we?
Freak
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Guilt by......well, just Guilt!
"And he touched my mouth and said: 'Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."
Isaiah 6:7
Ever since I can remember, I never could lie very well. Everytime I tried to lie as a kid, it would backfire on me because I would feel all this deep guilt within myself and then just confess whatever it was. My lies were always written on my face or in my actions. Guilt would consume me.
Guilt has now turned into fear for me. I don't feel guilt as much any more, as I do fear of the ramifications of telling the truth in today's litigious society. Look at your car's insurance card: one of the key things it says is to not admit guilt in an accident. So my insurance company is telling me not to take responsibility for my actions? What message does that send? Maybe I am naive in my thinking here, or it could be the guilt I carry around.
Fear and guilt are of the same color when it comes to the emotional spectrum. Boiled down to their essence, these emotions invoke feelings of not being in control. As we all know, control is an illusion, or should I say dillusion, we mere humans see as some ability we have over our surroundings and circumstances. Some people spend their entire lives chasing after control of their situation or position in life. We here it a great deal: "I must take control of my destiny, fate, etc."
The problem is this: fear, guilt and control can turn into obsessions if we are not careful and do not focus on the fact that our Father in heaven has control over all things, except of course, our own choices. Choices are about the only things we have control over in life. And no one makes right decisions 100% of the time.
Christ is our refuge in those times we are afraid. Trying to take control of a situation is us saying to God, "Hey, I got this one. Take a break for a little while because I want to play your part for awhile." Guilt, is us saying, "God, today I will not let you forgive me for the things I have done wrong. I just want to wallow in my own misery hear. Take a break for a little while because I want to play your part for awhile."
The ultimate sacrfice has been paid for our sin, sins which can lead to guilt if we let them, and further, guilt leads to fear when we try to take control. The atonement has happened. Why do we try so hard to pay our own way?
Forgive me Father,
Freak
Isaiah 6:7
Ever since I can remember, I never could lie very well. Everytime I tried to lie as a kid, it would backfire on me because I would feel all this deep guilt within myself and then just confess whatever it was. My lies were always written on my face or in my actions. Guilt would consume me.
Guilt has now turned into fear for me. I don't feel guilt as much any more, as I do fear of the ramifications of telling the truth in today's litigious society. Look at your car's insurance card: one of the key things it says is to not admit guilt in an accident. So my insurance company is telling me not to take responsibility for my actions? What message does that send? Maybe I am naive in my thinking here, or it could be the guilt I carry around.
Fear and guilt are of the same color when it comes to the emotional spectrum. Boiled down to their essence, these emotions invoke feelings of not being in control. As we all know, control is an illusion, or should I say dillusion, we mere humans see as some ability we have over our surroundings and circumstances. Some people spend their entire lives chasing after control of their situation or position in life. We here it a great deal: "I must take control of my destiny, fate, etc."
The problem is this: fear, guilt and control can turn into obsessions if we are not careful and do not focus on the fact that our Father in heaven has control over all things, except of course, our own choices. Choices are about the only things we have control over in life. And no one makes right decisions 100% of the time.
Christ is our refuge in those times we are afraid. Trying to take control of a situation is us saying to God, "Hey, I got this one. Take a break for a little while because I want to play your part for awhile." Guilt, is us saying, "God, today I will not let you forgive me for the things I have done wrong. I just want to wallow in my own misery hear. Take a break for a little while because I want to play your part for awhile."
The ultimate sacrfice has been paid for our sin, sins which can lead to guilt if we let them, and further, guilt leads to fear when we try to take control. The atonement has happened. Why do we try so hard to pay our own way?
Forgive me Father,
Freak
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
"You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, Oh Lord, make me dwell in safety."
Psalm 4:7-8
Last night, my wife and I hosted our home team as we have done every Tuesday since the beginning of February. Tonight was a little special for me. As I posted months back, I read the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. We have been following the accompanying study to his book in our home team this session and it has been really cool to see our group participating and growing in their walks with Jesus Christ.
Tonight was especially enlightening to me as we dug down to the heart of loving our Savior and God. We talked about loving Him in a way that rivals that of our most intimate relationships here on earth. It made me look deep into my relationship with Him and wonder: How much effort am I putting into our relationship?
We asked a lot of questions tonight. What was it like to pursue that person in your past or present who you would do anything to spend time with? What did you give up in life to spend that extra 15 minutes with your special someone? Was a 3 hour drive, one way, worth seeing that person for only 30 minutes? Seeing that person in the flesh was amazing, but how does not seeing Jesus physically affect how we interact with Him?
Relatable questions, all of them, but pondersome nonetheless. I had to ask myself some other questions: when I was chasing my wife in college, what did I do that would seem crazy just to get a kiss or spend 5 minutes with her? What did I give up for her that might have been important because I just wanted to spend time with her? (Quick Story: I once drove 28 hours straight from Tucson AZ to Auburn AL just to spend 2 days with my fiance before some military training. I have a $200 speeding ticket from a Louisiana cop to prove it! Now, would I do that again to spend 2 days with my Savior?)
Let me ask those questions again and replace "my wife" with "my Savior." When I was chasing my Savior in the past, what did I do that would seem crazy just to spend 15 minutes with Him? What did I give up for my Savior that might have been important because I just wanted to spend time with Him?
Fast forward to today: What am I giving up to spend time with my Savior, Jesus Christ? What is more important than my relationship with Jesus Christ? Then we threw out the challenge: conciously spend more time with Christ this week than we do with that special someone (spouse, kids, friends, coworkers, etc.). Whether it's 1 minute or 1 hour more, make the effort. Don't do it because it's forced, but do it because it is what we yearn for and desire. We were not just talking about doing things for Christ like church, or service or, worship. We were talking about connection and letting responsibilities go just to spend time with Him.
Sherk the responsibilites for once and open up your mind and Bible. What will it be like? I bet it's like no other experience on earth and I want it!
Take these responsibilities and ..............,
Freak
Psalm 4:7-8
Last night, my wife and I hosted our home team as we have done every Tuesday since the beginning of February. Tonight was a little special for me. As I posted months back, I read the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. We have been following the accompanying study to his book in our home team this session and it has been really cool to see our group participating and growing in their walks with Jesus Christ.
Tonight was especially enlightening to me as we dug down to the heart of loving our Savior and God. We talked about loving Him in a way that rivals that of our most intimate relationships here on earth. It made me look deep into my relationship with Him and wonder: How much effort am I putting into our relationship?
We asked a lot of questions tonight. What was it like to pursue that person in your past or present who you would do anything to spend time with? What did you give up in life to spend that extra 15 minutes with your special someone? Was a 3 hour drive, one way, worth seeing that person for only 30 minutes? Seeing that person in the flesh was amazing, but how does not seeing Jesus physically affect how we interact with Him?
Relatable questions, all of them, but pondersome nonetheless. I had to ask myself some other questions: when I was chasing my wife in college, what did I do that would seem crazy just to get a kiss or spend 5 minutes with her? What did I give up for her that might have been important because I just wanted to spend time with her? (Quick Story: I once drove 28 hours straight from Tucson AZ to Auburn AL just to spend 2 days with my fiance before some military training. I have a $200 speeding ticket from a Louisiana cop to prove it! Now, would I do that again to spend 2 days with my Savior?)
Let me ask those questions again and replace "my wife" with "my Savior." When I was chasing my Savior in the past, what did I do that would seem crazy just to spend 15 minutes with Him? What did I give up for my Savior that might have been important because I just wanted to spend time with Him?
Fast forward to today: What am I giving up to spend time with my Savior, Jesus Christ? What is more important than my relationship with Jesus Christ? Then we threw out the challenge: conciously spend more time with Christ this week than we do with that special someone (spouse, kids, friends, coworkers, etc.). Whether it's 1 minute or 1 hour more, make the effort. Don't do it because it's forced, but do it because it is what we yearn for and desire. We were not just talking about doing things for Christ like church, or service or, worship. We were talking about connection and letting responsibilities go just to spend time with Him.
Sherk the responsibilites for once and open up your mind and Bible. What will it be like? I bet it's like no other experience on earth and I want it!
Take these responsibilities and ..............,
Freak
Sunday, April 4, 2010
The Resurrection
Question of the Day: why is the birth of Jesus celebrated so much more than His death and resurrection? This has been a question I have had for a very long time. Many will argue that there would be no crucifixion and subsequent raising from the dead had Jesus not been born, so it is more important to celebrate His birth. But I beg to differ. There would be no salvation without his death and resurrection. The blood He shed for each and every one of us on the cross would not be possible if Christ had decided not to abide by the will of the Father.
"And going a little farther, he fell on his face and prayed, saying, 'My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but what you will.'" Matthew 26:39
"And he said, 'Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.'" Mark 14:36
"And he withdrew from them about a stone's throw, and knelt down and prayed saying, 'Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.'" Luke 22:41-42
Three of the four gospels confirm that Jesus could just have easily done his own thing, as take up his final cross for us and spill his blood for our salvation and forgiveness. In Jesus' final prayer in the garden, according to John, Jesus even hints at the fact that he could have made that decision. So my questions still remains, why do we celebrate Christmas as the penultimate holiday to celebrate Christ, yet for the most part, we give Easter a cursory recognition? Is just a reason for us to take 2 weeks vacation from school at the end of the year? Does it give us other reasons to conclude the year on a high note?
Who knows. I vote for a change to the status quo across the board. Let's celebrate Jesus' death and resurrection as much, if not more than, we do His birth. It just might change our outlook on the gift we have been given by the Father.
Please don't take this as an indictment on anyone or any organization. I am just as guilty.
I'm just saying,
Freak
"And going a little farther, he fell on his face and prayed, saying, 'My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but what you will.'" Matthew 26:39
"And he said, 'Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.'" Mark 14:36
"And he withdrew from them about a stone's throw, and knelt down and prayed saying, 'Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.'" Luke 22:41-42
Three of the four gospels confirm that Jesus could just have easily done his own thing, as take up his final cross for us and spill his blood for our salvation and forgiveness. In Jesus' final prayer in the garden, according to John, Jesus even hints at the fact that he could have made that decision. So my questions still remains, why do we celebrate Christmas as the penultimate holiday to celebrate Christ, yet for the most part, we give Easter a cursory recognition? Is just a reason for us to take 2 weeks vacation from school at the end of the year? Does it give us other reasons to conclude the year on a high note?
Who knows. I vote for a change to the status quo across the board. Let's celebrate Jesus' death and resurrection as much, if not more than, we do His birth. It just might change our outlook on the gift we have been given by the Father.
Please don't take this as an indictment on anyone or any organization. I am just as guilty.
I'm just saying,
Freak
Monday, March 15, 2010
The Other Woman
"For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolator, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God." Ephesians 5:5.
I was with some guys this weekend, spending time in Scripture, learning about effective leadership, but most of all, connecting with God and seeing where He is leading His church. One of the guys said something while we were all together that made me think about the odd relationship I was forming with that little device I connect to the world with. He held up his Crackberry, ehh hem, sorry, Blackberry, in his left hand and proclaimed that she was The Other Woman! (Ladies, this is not to exlcude those who find The Other Man in there personal electronic devices, but most of the time, it's us men who find refuge in "sexy" technology).
So I started thinking, yes dangerously thinking: When are the times I see myself engrossed in technology and leave my wife, family, and even my God for "The Other Woman?" It happens more often than I want to admit. For the most part, when I get home from work, the BB goes on the charger stand, vibrates a lot, grabs my attention every time, and calls to me to caress the buttons and answer every email, text message, Tweet, and phone call that comes across her very active radio waves. Most times I can resist the lure of the "idolatrous" electronic vixen she is. But there are times when I cave and just look at the screen with my picture of Ethan on the Monster Truck wheel. Guilty again.
Question: did Jesus ever have one of these? My guess is that if he did, it would have ended up at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee after the first 5 minutes of the Pharisees Tweeting about this odd Nazerean that was blaspheming the name of God. Yet WE still come back for more.
So what do we call The Other Woman? A distraction? A tool for business? An IDOL? Tough call, but sometimes, it may just be an idol we use to lose ourselves among the world of electrons and shirk off our real responsibilities. Sometimes, the hard responsibilities: loving our wives or husbands; spending time with our kids; seeking the face of God in life; learning the hard truth about our relationship with God.
This indictment I take upon myself. Where do I need to leave the Other Woman behind?
Away with you Woman!
Freak
I was with some guys this weekend, spending time in Scripture, learning about effective leadership, but most of all, connecting with God and seeing where He is leading His church. One of the guys said something while we were all together that made me think about the odd relationship I was forming with that little device I connect to the world with. He held up his Crackberry, ehh hem, sorry, Blackberry, in his left hand and proclaimed that she was The Other Woman! (Ladies, this is not to exlcude those who find The Other Man in there personal electronic devices, but most of the time, it's us men who find refuge in "sexy" technology).
So I started thinking, yes dangerously thinking: When are the times I see myself engrossed in technology and leave my wife, family, and even my God for "The Other Woman?" It happens more often than I want to admit. For the most part, when I get home from work, the BB goes on the charger stand, vibrates a lot, grabs my attention every time, and calls to me to caress the buttons and answer every email, text message, Tweet, and phone call that comes across her very active radio waves. Most times I can resist the lure of the "idolatrous" electronic vixen she is. But there are times when I cave and just look at the screen with my picture of Ethan on the Monster Truck wheel. Guilty again.
Question: did Jesus ever have one of these? My guess is that if he did, it would have ended up at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee after the first 5 minutes of the Pharisees Tweeting about this odd Nazerean that was blaspheming the name of God. Yet WE still come back for more.
So what do we call The Other Woman? A distraction? A tool for business? An IDOL? Tough call, but sometimes, it may just be an idol we use to lose ourselves among the world of electrons and shirk off our real responsibilities. Sometimes, the hard responsibilities: loving our wives or husbands; spending time with our kids; seeking the face of God in life; learning the hard truth about our relationship with God.
This indictment I take upon myself. Where do I need to leave the Other Woman behind?
Away with you Woman!
Freak
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Back in the Game
It's been a long while since I have posted to the blog. Two kids are no excuse, but they really demand a lot of time and attention. So I am going to start back into my venture of working for Christ through the words I post here. This privilege to interact with God through the words I write here has been an inspiration lacking lately in my life and it's time to re-engage with Him on a deeper level again.
Like Maverick on a Mig,
Freak
Like Maverick on a Mig,
Freak
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