Monday, September 12, 2011

My Very Own Punching Bag

".....I will set eyes on them for good.......I will build them up, and not tear them down, I will plant them and not uproot them.  I will give them a heart to know that I am the Lord....."  - Jeremiah 24:5-7

I am my very own punching bag.  From the time I was a kid, I can remember taking my own mental person, propping him up against the wall, taking turns yelling and belitting him, then throwing fist after fist of insults at his fragile being.  It was humorous at first.  Some of the things I would say to myself would actually make myself laugh at the inner child being bullied by the other inner child.  Then it started to become destructive, sometimes to the point of thoughts crossing my mind that should not be.  (Bare with me, I do not have 2 personalities).

Tonight was one of those nights.  As I sit here and re-hash the events with my wife and son that took place all because we were trying to remove splinters from a ranting and screaming 6-year old's foot, I began breaking out the UFC gloves, strapping them on and going to town on the person I would like to think is innocent, right in front of my wife no less.  In reality, he is not innocent, but sinful.  He is not perfect, but he is a pretty good father, despite what the Chuck Liddell side of his mind may think.  And he is absolutely living his life absent of God when he does this.........when I do this. 

God does not tear us down:  He allows us to make decisions and live with the consequences of those decisions.  God does not uproot what He has planted; He only allows the aridness of sin to whither away that former plant so that He can re-water us and cultivate a new character.  God does not rip our hearts out: He allows the pain of suffering and strife so it will strengthen our dependence on Him and we can grow in Him. God does cause bad things to happen to us.  He just does not stop them from happening from time to time so that we come close.......come close and depend on Him.